


My Sunshine

by amandastories



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bullying, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 18:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11973246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandastories/pseuds/amandastories
Summary: Hanji Zoe's life was never perfect. From deadbeat parents and constant bullying, she never felt wanted in the world by anyone or anything. From an attempt at suicide, she meets Levi, a dark mysterious man who's awkwardly short, who somehow convinces her to come over the railing. How will he impact her life from that moment on?





	My Sunshine

Hanji’s Point of View

As of now, I'm going to kill myself. With tears in my eyes and a pen in my hand, I write my final letter to my grandmother, thanking her for everything she has done for me. She raised me because my mother was too much of a dead beat to care about my existence, drinking her life away. My father abandoned me when I was born, when he found out that I had a hole in my heart. Everyone in my life has abandoned me. My letter to her is my final letter. I've written three letters. One to my friends, one to my roommate, and the final to my grandmother. I'm not scared to die anymore, I've been beaten countless times, so bad that I was knocked out cold by my drunken mother. I've tried once before to die, but I was too scared. I'm not scared anymore. I'm mentally and emotionally prepared to kill myself. I'm alone. No one in my life has ever stayed, but everyone says they love me and that they care about me. Last time I checked, hurting my feelings and feeling abandoned isn't love. Everyone will be better off if I'm dead.

I finish writing my letter with, “I will always love you, grandma. However, my time to go is now. _I'm sorry_.”

I always felt like I was a bother to her anyways. She was forced to take care of me because she didn't want to leave me alone.

I stand up from my desk and push the chair in. I head towards the door but I stop at the coat rack. I reach for my coat but then realize I don't need it. I deserve to be cold. I deserve as much suffrage as possible because I'm a terrible person. I make sure my pockets are empty. I open the door and I leave the key in the door once I lock it behind me. I start to walk down the hall towards the elevator. On my way there, Moblit collides into me.

“I'm so sorry!” Moblit instantly blurts out. I accept his apology with a big smile.

“Where ya headin’?” He asks, folding his hands across his broad chest.

“I'm going to see Petra,” I lie, smiling even wider. I'm surprised he even bought my bullshit.

“Have fun! Tell her I said hello,” he grins back and walks behind me into his dorm room. I frown, chewing the inside of my mouth, the blood gushing, filling my mouth with the oddly satisfying taste.

I press the up arrow on the elevator and wait for it to ding. Once it does, a swarm of people rush out and I push through the crowd. I see a few familiar faces, but none say hello. Maybe I'm just antisocial. The elevator makes a few stops before reaching the top of the building. I am the only person on the elevator at this point. I take a deep breath before taking a step out of the elevator, the crisp air biting my skin. I rub my upper left arm quickly to relieve the bitterness of the air. My boots scruff against the concrete as I head to the railing that was painted yellow but chipped over time. I stop in my steps and look at the sunset. It's beautiful. It's orange and pink and purple and red and the birds are flying south.

I continue to walk towards the railing and grab it firmly. My hands are shaking and so is my entire body. I'm not scared to die. I'm just fucking cold. It'll be over soon. I'll be in hell soon enough. I take my left foot and step on the railing. I take another step up, both feet balancing on the railing. I have two more beams to go before I'm over. I run a hand through my hair and look down. Cars are driving to and fro and hundreds of people are roaming the streets. I check the time with my watch. It's 7:38 at night, it's April 9th. This is when I die.

I take another step up, having one more part of the railing to go before I can jump.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you,” a voice says. I jump from surprise and look to my left. A man, around 24, with dark features is leaning over the railing, a cigarette between his two fingers. He looks at me and sighs, eyeing me down.

“Why?” I ask, stepping over the railing onto the other side. The foot room is very limited, and it gives me a spike of adrenaline.

“Watch closely,” he says, taking one last puff of his cigarette and flicks it off the balcony. He raises up on his tiptoes to look over the balcony, watching the cigarette fall all the way to the ground.

I furrow my brows. “So? I'm not scared of heights.”

The man cocks his head to the left as he looks at me. He turns to face off the balcony and folds his arms, leaning against them.

“You know what will happen once you jump? Your life will flash right before your eyes. The last thing you'll see is the top of everyone’s heads before you... SPLAT,” he says, using sound effects and his hands to display it, as if I didn't know what it was like. “Your blood will gush all over the concrete, every bone in your body will shatter, you'll be dead. There's no chance to save you, you'll be as dead as a door nail. Everyone will be horrified—”

“I don't give a fuck,” I groan, cutting him off. “I've already made up my mind…”

The man shrugs and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Please come over from that side of the railing. You can talk to me, just please don't jump.”

“I said I've already made up my mind!” I hiss, looking back at him. He is making me really nervous, I almost feel scared to fall.

He reaches his hand out to me, which surprises me.

“I'm Levi,” the man says, giving me a small smirk. “Come over the railing please.”

I hesitate before answering him. “I'm Hanji.”

“Please come over the railing. Let's get to know each other better… _Hanji_.”

I haven't heard someone call me by my first name in a while. If they do, it's normally in disgust.

“Why do you think I deserve life? I am a terrible person.”

“I'm saying you deserve life. No one deserves to kill themselves. Now, come over and let's talk,” Levi says, emphasizing his reaching hand.

“I've been through some rough times myself,” the man says. “I know how you feel. I've tried to die too, but it gets better. Trust me, Hanji. One day, you'll wake up and be glad you're alive. So please. I want to be your friend.”

I gasp. I look back at him. “No one ever wanted to be my friend, I am an outcast…”

“I don't care what other people think. I know what I want. Don't you have friends now?”

“I-I do but… I don't have many and I'm not necessarily close to any of them… none of them would care if I died—”

Levi walks up to me and places his hand on mine.

“I care, Hanji, so please, come over the railing and talk to me.”

I take a deep breath and look down at the cars rushing to and fro. The sun has completely set by now and the lights of all of the buildings shine upward.

“...Fine.” I grip tighter on the railing and start to take slow steps over the railing. I make it successfully over. A part of me was hoping I slipped and fell to my death, but that didn't happen. Levi is gripping my hand tightly, before looking up at me. He's very short. I'm at least 3 inches taller than him. Why does he look familiar? He let's go of my hand and shrugs his coat off. He grips it in his hand and thrusts his arm out to me.

“Take it,” he says, bowing at the waist. I shake my hands in front of me.

“Oh no, I'll be fine,” I say. “ _I deserve to freeze anyways_.”

The man frowns, and shakes his head. “I insist that you take it.”

I cross my arms, then rolling my eyes I grab the jacket. “Fine. Thank you. Goodnight.” I drape the coat over my shoulders. As I walk back to the elevator, my throats feels very tight and my eyes feel like they're gonna water. I look up and blink them away. I clench the jacket closer to me and click the downwards arrow on the metal tab and wait for the elevator to ding. I hear footsteps to my right and instinctively wipe my eyes of tears. After a long ten seconds, the elevator doors open and I step in. The short man steps in besides me. I isolate myself to the corner of the elevator after I press my floor number. I feel Levi’s gaze on me but I towards the wall and follow the thin striped pattern on the walls with my eyes.

It feels like an eternity before I finally reach my floor. The doors open and I look at him one more time.

“Thank you, _Levi_ ,” I sputter before leaving the elevator and briskly returning to my room. 


End file.
